


Colors Faded, Colors Bright

by InsaneJuliann



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, brief mentioned Pepper/Tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 02:56:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7024531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneJuliann/pseuds/InsaneJuliann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Soulmate AU. Tony starts seeing colors from a very young age, far younger than usual, after having a chance encounter with the Winter Soldier. Once in awhile, his world is plunged back into black and white (or the colors become very faint), always leaving him terrified that the colors won't come back. When he meets Bucky Barnes, he’s been free of losing the colors for seven months. It takes a few more, and a battle that lands Bucky in critical state at the hospital before he realizes that they're soulmates.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Colors Faded, Colors Bright

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Faillen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faillen/gifts).



> This is for Faillen who had a lot of awesome prompts for the Spring Fling. I chose this one - it gave me some immediate ideas - and I hope you enjoy it and that I hit your likes enough to satisfy. :)

“What are you doing, Mister Tony?” Jarvis asked, crouching down next to him.

Tony kept staring up at the sky, enthralled. “The sky’s so… pretty.” And maybe that wasn’t something a Stark Man should say, but… it was the only thing Tony could think of to call it – pretty.

Jarvis gave him a curious look, not that Tony noticed, and glanced up at the sky as well. “Yes, I suppose it does look rather nice today. The clouds are very fluffy.”

Before, the sky had just been a washed out gray color, and the clouds usually a stark white or fainter gray against it. Everyone knew the sky was blue, but Tony had never known what blue really looked like. Not even Mrs. Jarvis’ description of blue being like a refreshing glass of cold water during the hottest summer day really conveyed it right.

“I think blue’s my favorite color,” Tony stated.

Jarvis sucked in a sharp breath, almost making a choking sound, and Tony looked at him finally, frowning. He watched curiously as Jarvis’ cheeks got a bright color and he coughed a few times.

“It… is? How can you know if you’ve yet to see colors?”

“But I do see colors now,” Tony said, frown growing. He pointed to the roses his mom grew, the ones that were a paler color than the rest, and asked, “What color is that?”

Jarvis hesitated, then said, “It would be a light purple, Mister Tony.”

Tony nodded, then said, “It’s like Mama’s shirt this morning.”

Eyes wide, Jarvis nodded. “Yes,” he said slowly. “Your mother was wearing a lavender shirt.” He hesitated a moment, then asked, “How long have you been seeing colors, Mister Tony?”

Tony shrugged, looking back at the pretty sky. “Since yesterday. It was real confusing at first,” he said, unaware of the shock on Jarvis’ face. “Cause things were just normal and then I started seeing all these colors, but I didn’t realize what they were at first. Then I remembered Mama talking about Soulmates during that fairy tale she told me last week when Howard was on a business trip.”

Jarvis hesitated. “I think… it might be best we keep this a secret for now, Mister Tony.”

Tony looked at him again, frowning, head tilted. “Why? Is it cause Soulmates make Howard angry? He doesn’t like them.”

“Where did you hear that?”

“From Ms. Helen,” Tony said, shrugging. “She was talking to the new girl about it.”

Jarvis lips pursed, but he said, “Your parents would be upset to hear that you’ve already found a Soulmate, and we don’t know who it is.”

Tony nodded. “Okay.”

Jarvis was infinitely thankful for Tony’s trust in that moment.

~*~*~

The first time the colors faded into near-disappearance, Tony’d gone screaming and crying for Jarvis. He didn’t know who his Soulmate was, but everyone knew people lost the colors when one died. People who lost the colors were always sad and talked about in pitying whispers. Tony didn’t want to be one of those people, always wearing black, always mourning because how did someone move on when the colors were taken from their world?

But the colors hadn’t disappeared. They’d just faded, muted, and Tony waited anxiously for the moment that they’d disappear, that he’d wake up and they’d be gone.

He spent the summer waiting.

Jarvis was there to reassure him every morning, every afternoon that Tony spent staring anxiously at the sky, waiting for it to go grey again, every night that he went to bed and woke up from a colorless nightmare. But the colors didn't disappear.

Howard hired tutors for him, and Tony spent most of his days working on learning math and science and writing, and he waited some more. He didn't watch the sky so often or anxiously, and the nightmares became less regular. The colors stayed faded, but not gone.

He got used to it.

“Jarvis,” Tony asked, feet kicking back and forth at the table. His tutor had left for the day, and Mom and Howard weren’t expected home for a while longer. They were having dinner with someone important.

“Yes, Mister Tony?”

Tony chewed the inside of his cheek. “What if… what if my Soulmate is dead, but the colors didn’t go away like they're supposed to?”

“That’s not what happens. I promise, whatever else, your Soulmate hasn’t died.”

Tony didn’t sniffle, because Stark Men didn’t cry like babies, but… well, the hug Jarvis came over to give him was awful nice. “Jarvis, what if my Soulmate is dying, but not dead yet?”

For a long moment, Jarvis didn’t reply. Then he pulled back and held Tony’s shoulders, face serious. “Tony… it has been several months, correct?” When Tony nodded, Jarvis said, “Then I’m sure your Soulmate is okay. Whatever is happening, your Soulmate is not dead or dying. Okay?”

“Okay,” Tony whispered.

Jarvis wrapped him in a hug again, and Tony held him back tightly.

~*~*~

The colors stayed faded, and Tony forgot exactly what they’d looked like before. At least, as Jarvis said sometimes, he could still sort of see colors, which was more than anyone else his age really. Even if it was still a secret.

He turned seven, and Howard decided Tony needed to stop being a sissy and man up. He sent Tony to boarding school, and Tony had no one to talk to about the colors, or when he woke up from a dream convinced they’d gone away completely. He learned to handle it himself, which he supposed was what Howard would have wanted, if he’d known about the Soulmate Tony had.

One evening, while eating dinner in the dining hall, the colors suddenly burst back to full vibrancy. Tony, well learned in hiding things by then, only just managed to cover the sudden gasp of air, the way his hand clenched on his fork and his head rushed, making him feel dizzy.

The boy a few seats down from him still stared at him strangely. Tony gave a fast glance at his horrifically orange shirt and gave him a judgmental look back.

Tony tried not to stare at everything like he was starving for the full effect of colors, but it was hard. He got distracted staring out the windows, watching the sky shift between brilliant blue and the dark grey-purple of thunderstorm clouds. He’d never seen a lightning storm in full color before; he spent most of the night awake, watching out the window from his top bunk.

Two days later, the colors muted again. Tony shivered. This wasn’t normal, or natural; something was wrong.

Tony spent the next day he had free time in the library, searching through all the books there. He grabbed others to hide that he was looking specifically for information about Soulmates and colors. The librarian was kind of nosy, and Tony didn’t want anyone telling Howard.

He couldn’t find any instance of colors muting in any of his covert research. Maybe because he didn’t have access to some of the more diverse and rare books and journals that existed. Lots of colleges did, though.

He’d just have to get there as soon as possible.

~*~*~

The colors stayed muted, for the most part. Every once in a while – sometimes, rarely, a few months, usually almost a year or more – they’d burst back into life. Tony got good at rolling with those moments, pretending he hadn’t just gone from a muted world of near-colorlessness to vibrancy.

He went to MIT. He made new friends… well, a new friend. James Rhodes seemed to find Tony’s usual obnoxious antics more amusing than annoying; they’d met in a class during Tony’s first semester, when Tony had been slyly mocking the teacher. Rhodes had been sitting two rows in front of Tony, and had been twisted around watching. His hand near his chin had blocked most of the view of his barely suppressed grin from everyone, but Tony had noticed. Tony had winked at him, watched Rhodes press his lips together against a laugh, and turn back forward.

After class had let out, Tony had made his way over to him.

They’d been friends since.

Jarvis approved. But he cautioned Tony against sharing too much of himself, even with this seemingly trustworthy person.

“Even the most trustworthy of us can be manipulated. There are very few people in the world you can trust Mister Tony. You must learn who they are – and the only one I would dare to trust completely would be your Soulmate.”

Tony thought about it, rolling the cookie dough around and around in his palms until it was a near-perfect circle. He passed it to Jarvis to place on the cookie sheet.

“Not even you?” he asked, as casually as he could manage. He mostly succeeded, he thought, but Jarvis still gave him a sad look.

“I would like to say I would never break your trust, Mister Tony. All I can say is that it would take very extreme circumstances for me to do so, and I would never forgive myself for it.”

Tony nodded.

~*~*~

He was graduating in the spring. He hadn’t seen full-color in twenty-three months and eight days (and then it had only been for a three hours and twenty-eight minutes). He’d had another argument with Howard – big surprise there – and refused to come home that weekend.

His mother had called that morning though, and asked him to please come home for Christmas break. Tony couldn’t really say no to her, not when she’d asked him. So he had a ticket for tomorrow afternoon, and would be at the mansion by tomorrow evening.

Jarvis would probably be happy. Mrs. Jarvis had died earlier that year, taking the colors of Jarvis’ world with her. Tony had taken three days off of school to go to her funeral, to be there for Jarvis. Howard hadn’t even complained about it, had really just ignored Tony, and focused on trying to comfort Jarvis.

Tony had a lot to say about Howard, none of it nice, but even he couldn’t say that Howard was a bad friend to those he thought of as his friends. Jarvis, Aunt Peggy, those of the Howling Commandos who still kept in touch… Howard was good to them.

Better than he was to Tony, but… well. Tony tried not to stew over that too much.

Tonight was a good night, however. The colors had returned shortly before his mother called him, and they hadn’t gone away yet. After nearly two years of faded color, their return was a relief. (It felt like the time between full-color was longer and longer each time.)

His phone rang. He answered it without looking, focusing on getting some repair work done (so different when he could see full-colors; his best work was done then, really).

Not a minute later, the phone clattered out of his hand.

Three hours later, the colors muted again. Tony had been clinging to them, in a way that he hadn’t realized, until they were almost gone again. All he could feel after that was a spreading numbness.

Rhodey found him hours later, sometime the next morning judging by the sunlight creeping past Tony’s curtains. He must have heard, maybe from the news or something, because he didn’t ask or try to make Tony talk. Rhodey came up and sat next to Tony on the floor, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

Tony slumped against him and let out a slow, shuddering breath. He may not have his Soulmate, or even the colors, but he had Rhodey. And that was good enough for Tony.

~*~*~

He never told Rhodey about the colors. Or Pepper. Or Happy. He trusted them more than he’d ever trusted anyone except Jarvis (and maybe Aunt Peggy, not that they spoke much anymore). But not enough to share this secret.

He never told anyone, and when Jarvis died two years after his parents’ accident, there was no one in the world that knew, aside from Tony. The colors became vibrant less and less frequently. Tony realized that there was next to no way in the world to know who his Soulmate actually was; he remembered, vaguely, that the colors had started at some party he’d been attending with his parents. He couldn’t remember if there’d been any other kids, or who the party had been for.

It would be impossible to find his Soulmate.

With how often the colors were faded, for whatever reason that was, and the impossibility of it all, Tony wondered if he should even bother.

~*~*~

He hadn’t seen full-color for six years, nine months, and seventeen hours when the caravan was attacked.

He hadn’t seen full-color for six years, nine months, three days, and twenty-one minutes when they came back, in the middle of his head being shoved deep into a barrel of water again. Not that it was easy to tell that they came back. Just, for a moment, the colors were sharper, but then his vision was blacking out and everything fading away around him.

Soon after, he was dragged outside to be greeted with the sight of all kinds of weapons, ones _he’d_ created, stacked up in surplus. The fact that he got to see it in full-fledged color somehow felt worse than if he’d still been seeing muted-colors.

It felt like, somehow, he was being punished by his own Soulmate for what he’d helped do here.

He wavered, when the colors disappeared sometime after that. What was he supposed to do, dying slowly with a magnet and metal shards buried in his chest, stuck deep in some desert cave system, surrounded by terrorists who took great pleasure in hurting him?

Yinsen was the first person he told, since Jarvis. It was dangerous; Tony knew that. Reckless and stupid to give his biggest secret to someone who was also a prisoner here. But Tony didn’t want to die without someone else knowing that Tony Stark had a _Soulmate_.

Somewhere.

And, as Yinsen had said, the colors weren’t gone. Faded, but not gone. He stared at Tony with that patient, serious expression he so often had, waiting for Tony to decide what to do with himself, with this situation.

Tony couldn’t die, couldn’t steal all color from whoever his Soulmate was out there. He couldn’t give up. Couldn’t take that from them, on top of all the other wrongs he’d committed in his life.

He had a lot to make up for – to the world, to himself, and to his Soulmate.

Even with the faded colors, the glow of the miniature arc reactor was brilliant to Tony’s eyes. The blue made him think of the sky the first time he’d seen it, beautiful and endless.

Tony was going to see the goddamn sky again, in all its vibrant blue color.

~*~*~

A (very busy) year later, Tony was dying anyway, and it sucked, but the colors had stayed muted since that day in the desert, and… maybe, maybe it was for the better? Tony still had no idea who his Soulmate was, how to find them, nothing. He was… it was hopeless. He’d known that, he’d let himself forget that, because he’d been thinking maybe, maybe if he could _earn_ his Soulmate…

 And really, what were the chances his Soulmate would ever forgive him for his sins, for who he was, what he’d been? So what he was Iron Man now, so what he was trying to fix mistakes, when they were caused by his own ignorance?

If Pepper, who knew him and cared about him despite it all, wasn’t his Soulmate, then how could anyone else be?

They were dancing around each other, recently, until this palladium thing had gone and fucked his life over once again. Perhaps Tony just… wasn’t meant for love (or a Soulmate).

For second chances.

For a full-colored life.

~*~*~

If anyone would be considered trustworthy, Tony mused, it’d be Captain America himself.

Jarvis’ words were hard to shake, though, his warning not to trust anyone _but_ his Soulmate. And honestly, if Tony was ever to tell someone again, it’d be Rhodey, who’d stuck by him through fucking everything, from MIT to aliens invading New York. Besides, Cap was kind of an asshole, and Tony knew it was petty, but he didn’t want to tell Captain America that he had a Soulmate out there somewhere.

In fact, Tony didn’t tell anyone on the team about his secret world of faded colors (still nothing but faded since the desert). It wasn’t like there were that strong of bonds between them all, anyway. They scattered after Loki and Thor left with the Tesseract. Tony went back to his Tower with Bruce, who maybe could be a new friend.

It wasn’t fair that his nightmares were always in full-color, but at least he could tell them apart from reality, when he woke up to faded color all around him. Space and falling and almost dying were in HD, but reality was muted, and Tony could almost appreciate that.

He dated Pepper. He didn’t tell her about the colors. He tried to warn her about the nightmares.

The Mandarin happened. Tony maybe lost his temper and made some stupid mistakes, but what else was new? His Soulmate was probably lucky they weren’t around.

He blew up his excess suits, made one new suit in case of emergencies, and moved back to New York. It took him weeks to be able to fly around the Tower without his heart racing painfully in his chest. The expectation of finding a Chitauri around a corner or seeing flashes of a portal in the sky from the corner of his eye left him edgy and twitchy.

He and Pepper broke up. It was probably for the better, even if it left both of them hurting. She didn’t stop being CEO, didn’t move to the other side of the country, didn’t avoid him even. Tony loved her, and he wished he could love her the way she deserved, but it was the same love he had for Rhodey, something deeper than friendship. He considered telling her a thousand times about the colors, but worried it’d only hurt her after their relationship. He never did.

The colors remained faded.

~*~*~

One afternoon, the colors came bursting back. Tony blinked, adjusted, and kept arguing with his head of R&D about the adjustments he’d suggested for their newest StarkPhone. They were definitely feasible, and he shouldn’t have to say that to these guys after they’d worked with him for so long. If Tony said it could be done, it damn well could be, even if he had to go down there and school his little scientists and developers on how.

The day continued, and by the time he woke up the next morning, the colors were faded again. Tony sighed, and went about his day.

By that evening, the colors were back.

Odd. Tony paused what he was doing, getting an odd look from an intern. The… never before had the colors come back so quickly. It was… a break of pattern, and that was more intriguing than anything he’d experienced in a while.

Which was saying something, because his life.

Tony left without saying anything, going back to his floor. He went to the workshop (he loved the holograms when he had full-color back, loved the way they sparkled and danced with vibrancy) and sat in his chair for a while, pondering.

He’d never figured out why the colors faded. There weren’t really any records of it. The closest he’d found was colors flickering in and out when a Soulmate was near-death, or dying. He couldn’t remember if, despite being faded, the colors had done that when he’d flown the nuke….

He didn’t sleep that night.

The colors didn’t disappear.

The entire day they didn’t disappear.

However, Tony’s day was even stranger than the unusual behavior of his color-vision. He got a message from Hill, then from Natasha. Shit was going down, and they needed him to help field whatever aftermath was coming. Not that Hill would tell him much. Not that Natasha told him much more – except that she was going to, oh, spill SHIELD secrets all over the internet, no biggie.

And would he mind jumping on it as it came out, since he had a convenient AI that could help him shunt information that might have sensitive information (identities, covers, etc) to the side just for long enough that they could get trusted operatives time to bolt? And also make sure that no one else made said information disappear?

Tony was too busy to think about the colors for a good three days, during which he slept maybe six hours, thought about just straight up injecting coffee into his veins via an IV, and yelled at Natasha (and Steve, once he was conscious) over the phone.

By the time he finally crashed in bed and slept for twelve hours and woke up again… it took him a few hours to realize.

The colors were still around.

They’d never stayed this long.

Tony fought back the tentative hope that they’d stick around. Just for a bit longer. (Just for forever.)

~*~*~

Steve was ( _he_ thought very secretly) chasing after his long-lost-thought-dead best friend turned HYDRA brainwashed assassin. Natasha had convinced Tony to keep it quiet that he knew about said wild goose chase.

Since Steve was at least taking Sam Wilson with him and not running off half-cocked by himself, Tony kept his mouth shut about it.

The team moved into the Tower, coming together in the fall of SHIELD to battle HYDRA. Kind of like Tony had always secretly wanted them to after their first battle together, not that he ever mentioned that. At all. To anyone. (He was pretty sure Pepper had seen through his ‘in case of needing to crash’ excuse, and Rhodey probably knew him well enough to know, but Tony hadn’t _told_ them.)

Balancing SI and Avenger-ing got a little complicated. Especially when he had meetings to get to, but there were HYDRA bases to blow up. Only once was the meeting important enough that Tony insisted the team wait to go attack. Steve had been reluctant, whispering furiously with Sam. Didn’t take a genius to guess why.

Tony and Natasha shared an eye roll, but everyone did agree to wait after a brief, heated debate. Tony went to the meeting, wrapped it up as quickly as he could (still longer than Steve obviously liked), and then hurried back so they could get to HYDRA busting.

Seven months and four hours after the colors decided to stick around, Steve and Sam walked in with a scruffy James Barnes in a dark blue jacket that had seen better days. Tony sighed, rolling his eyes at the stubborn look on Steve’s face, like he was ready for a fight.

“Floor below yours has been set up for the past four months,” Tony said instead, keeping his expression calm, even though inwardly he wanted to laugh at the surprise on Steve’s.

“You… knew?”

Tony shrugged, sipped his coffee, and went to the elevator. He had a project for SI to finish.

~*~*~

Tony didn’t see Barnes much for the next month. He was assumedly on his floor, which was where JARVIS said Steve was the few times Natasha asked for movie nights. The fact that Tony made more movie nights than Steve that month was almost amusing.

“You should talk to Steve,” Natasha said one morning. Tony was getting his first cup of coffee, and too tired to startle at her sudden appearance.

He grunted, drank half his cup of coffee, and refilled it. “About his little seclusion act with Barnes? What makes you think Steve’s going to listen to me?” He shot her a disbelieving look.

She smiled wryly. It appeared to be too early for Natasha to have put her make-up on for the day, because her lips were pale pink and the bags under her eyes light purple. “He trusts you, you know.”

Tony rolled his eyes. Sighing, Natasha reached out and put a light hand on his arm, raising her brows and staring up at him. Her eyes were dark green, ringed with blue, and earnest. Tony thought it was even honest, not faked.

“Tony. He does. He-“

“You and I both know,” Tony interrupted. “We both know that you can’t trust anyone.”

“Except a Soulmate,” Natasha pointed out, just like he had a night long ago, when he’d been dying and she’d been spying. Her hair had been darker then, an almost brown-tinted deep red that Tony hadn’t been able to fully appreciate with his faded-color vision. He’d seen a picture of her, though, once the colors had turned vibrant, and wished he’d been able to see the real thing.

He wondered if she’d ever suspected he had a Soulmate. He wasn’t going to ask. If she did, it never made it into the stupid file on him that she’d submitted, which was what mattered.

Tony shrugged. “Maybe.” At her look, he elaborated, “Natasha, why should any hypothetical Soulmate trust me?”

She looked at him for a long while, eyes sharp, a bit confused. A bit sad. “I trust you, as much as I can trust someone who isn’t a Soulmate,” she finally said. “You might make mistakes, but you always try to do the right thing. So I trust you.”

Tony swallowed thickly, took quick drink of his coffee. He was hiding, and she knew it, and let him get away with it. That was a large reason why, despite the unpleasant circumstances of how they’d technically met, Tony considered Natasha one of his friends, like Rhodey and Pepper and Happy and Bruce. She didn’t push him, but she understood him.

She was asking him to do this, and he was pretty sure it was as a friend, not a teammate. Tony sighed.

“I’ll go see if I can’t talk Cap and Robocop out of their life of being hermits.”

Natasha smiled.

~*~*~

It took a near-argument and lots of eye-rolling on Tony’s part, but Tony did convince Steve to start venturing onto the other floors. For the first week or so, it was usually just Steve showing up for a few hours. After that, Barnes started wandering out with him, standing in corners of rooms, silent. He stared around, at people, at the rooms, out the windows, with an almost unnerving intensity.

Barnes remained rather silent and stoic until the first time they found another HYDRA base to attack.

“I’m comin’ with you,” he growled.

“Bucky….”

“I’m comin’ with you,” he repeated. “I owe them.”

Steve hesitated, glancing at the rest of them. They were all ready to board the Quinjet; Barnes was ready, too, and looking somehow more stubborn than Steve.

Tony rolled his eyes. “Just let him on the ‘jet. You can argue with him about how stupid an idea it is to work with a team he’s never worked with before there.”

They set Barnes up to snipe along with Clint. Not that he seemed happy with that. Tony didn’t care.

After that, they had Barnes join in on their training.

~*~*~

Slowly, Barnes warmed up to them. Began talking, interacting with them for training, joining for movie nights.

He’d been in the Tower for two months and three weeks (the colors had been around for nine months and three weeks and fifteen hours) when he finally wandered into Tony’s workshop. He looked around with the sharp look of his, eyes flickering from one point to another like they couldn’t settle.

Finally he looked at Tony, faintly dazed, maybe a bit amazed. Tony did not preen.

“M’arm’s sticking,” he mumbled.

“Huh. Let’s see what we can do about that,” Tony said, grabbing up some tools, walking over to the couch. He’d seen the files; he wasn’t putting Barnes in an uncomfortable chair, or anything like a chair with machines around him. So, the couch.

Tony sat with his legs curled up, facing Barnes, tools gathered in his lap. Tentatively, Barnes sat across from him.

“Arm,” Tony requested.

Barnes stretched it out over his own knee, hand resting lightly on Tony’s.

Not letting any silence have a chance to settle, Tony began talking about the movie they’d watched the other night – the newest Star Wars – and how really Barnes needed to watch the originals. And also that Star Trek was arguably better, and Barnes should check out that TV show. Especially if he was into science fiction.

So Tony talked as he worked, which was easy enough, and after a while, the tension holding Barnes stiff lessened.

When Tony finished up and sat back, he caught sight of the faint smile on Barnes’ face, before it was hidden away.

Tony felt accomplished for the entire day. He’d gotten Barnes to smile.

~*~*~

Bucky began visiting the workshop more often. He always stared around the room, first, before settling on Tony and stating why he was there. He’d broken a tablet (gotten too enthusiastic during a game of Angry Birds). Tony worked on making one out of stronger materials, and meanwhile introduced Bucky to Mario Kart (he’d already created better controllers, since when Thor was around and racing Clint things would get heated).

The arm was stalling after the last battle (faulty wiring). Tony and Bucky spent three days in the workshop, only leaving for sleep and food and whatnot, encouraging JARVIS to play their favorite songs and arguing why one song was better than the other.

Did Tony want to watch that Star Trek show with him? Of fucking course Tony did. After that, often Bucky and Tony were in the workshop together just to watch episodes of Star Trek. (Bucky liked them better than the Star Wars movie, which made him “a man of much better taste than Steve” Tony told him.)

There were a few small battles with HYDRA. The colors hadn’t disappeared for eleven months, three weeks, and thirteen hours. Tony… was glad about that, but wasn’t as obsessed with them as he had been. It was awesome to see in full color all the time, for almost a whole damn year, but there were other things that, just maybe, were even better. Like the warm feeling Tony got when he looked over at Bucky laughing over an episode of Star Trek.

Then it happened.

It wasn’t a particularly large battle, or a difficult one. It was just a lucky shot that hit Barnes, sending him falling from the top of a building. Tony tried to disengage his opponent, but it took too long, and he was still too far away when Bucky hit the ground with a sickening, crater-inducing impact.

The colors flickered, and faded, and Tony almost dropped out of the sky in shock.

His mind raced. It’d been eleven months, three weeks, two days, and six hours since the colors had shown up and stayed in full vibrancy. It’d been eleven months and three weeks, just about, since SHIELD fell.

The Winter Soldier had been around for that, and a few days before.

And when the Winter Soldier wasn’t dispatched on a mission, he was….

Tony held his breath, waiting, as the colors stabilized and regained vibrancy. Bucky didn’t move, though.

Thankfully, Steve was there, pulling Barnes out, in his arms, and moving to get him to medical. Tony hung back, and when no one was paying attention (not even Natasha), bolted.

~*~*~

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Steve asked, voice low and quiet.

Tony nodded, staring intently at the hospital bed. Medical personnel rushed around, hooking Bucky up to different machines, sticking in an IV of Tony wasn’t sure what.

Steve’s hand landed on Tony’s shoulder, startling him.

“Tony,” he said. “You look like you’re about to freak out. Or pass out.”

“I’m fine,” Tony croaked.

“You’re not,” Steve insisted, and it wasn’t harsh or annoyed, just fucking concerned and gentle and that somehow felt like the worst thing in that moment. “If I can help-“

“You can’t,” Tony said quickly, stepping out from Steve’s touch. “It’s nothing. I’m fine. How’s Barnes?”

Steve stared at him, eyes steady and probably not missing a single detail that Tony would love for Steve to overlook. But thankfully, Steve didn’t push him – Steve was actually pretty great about knowing when not to push – and just said, “They said he’s got some serious injuries, but his healing factor’s already working on them. He’ll probably be out till tomorrow, and able to leave in three days.”

Tony breathed out, feeling like he was going to start shaking apart.

Steve’s hand landed on Tony’s shoulder, squeezing firmly, directing him out into the hall. They walked a ways, turned a corner, where they were out of sight and it was a touch quieter.

“Shellhead,” Steve said, simply.

Tony focused on breathing.

That was his – his fucking – _Bucky fucking Barnes_ was his –

“Maybe I should go back to the Tower with-“

“No,” Tony gasped. He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. After a few long, endless moments, he repeated more steadily, “No. You stay here with Bu-Barnes. I’m fine.”

“You’re not _fine_ ,” Steve sighed, a touch impatient. Overlapping that was so much concern though that Tony couldn’t get angry at Steve for it. “I’m worried about you.”

“I’ll _be_ fine, how about that?” Tony countered, raising a brow. Steve still looked reluctant, so Tony went for the low blow. “If he wakes up here, without one of us? C’mon, Steve, you know that he’ll freak out, even if he won’t admit it. He hates places like this.”

“You’re right,” Steve sighed. “But please let me know you got back okay, at least.”

“Sure thing, Captain Mother-hen.”

Tony left before Steve could change his mind. He had JARVIS send Steve a text saying Tony was arrived safe and sound and in one piece, and then went straight for his workshop before any of his teammates got the bright idea to stop him.

~*~*~

Rhodey let himself into the workshop, glancing around to find Tony tinkering with a hologram. He walked over, shutting it down, and waited for Tony to look up at him.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on with you?”

“Nothing. Fine.”

“Want to try that again?” Rhodey said, raising a brow. When Tony said nothing, he continued, “You’ve been down here for two days. Natasha’s admitted she’s worried, Steve says that you had a panic attack at the hospital.” For a moment, Rhodey waited, searching Tony’s posture for some clue. But it was closed off, quiet, almost still.

The most dangerous body language with Tony was quiet and still like this.

“You’re scaring me a bit here,” Rhodey admitted.

Tony blew out a heavy breath, looking at Rhodey finally. He looked a bit pale, eyes a bit too wide. “I…”

“Whatever it is,” Rhodey promised quietly.

Tony swallowed. “Did you know,” he said slowly. “That when a Soulmate is dying, the colors flicker?”

Rhodey stared at Tony. He thought maybe he’d heard or read about that, somewhere, a while ago. But he didn’t think that’s what Tony was getting at here.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone Barnes is your Soulmate?’ he asked. When Tony let out a slightly hysterical, bitter laugh, he stepped forward, putting a hand on his shoulder and ducking to meet Tony’s eyes. “Tones?”

“I didn’t know it was Bucky.”

“How could you not-“

“I’ve seen color since I was a kid,” Tony blurted. Rhodey froze, staring at him, shocked. Tony licked his lips. “I’ve seen in color for most of my life. It… sometimes it wasn’t very vibrant color, but… for the past year, since SHIELD was taken down….”

“Jesus,” Rhodey swore.

“Yeah.” Tony gave that laugh again, and Rhodey tightened his hand on Tony’s shoulder. The laugh twisted, turning into something a lot like a sob. “I didn’t realize it was Bucky. Until he fell. And he hit the ground and – and the color flickered….”

“But it’s fine now,” Rhodey said firmly, pulling Tony into his chest. “Barnes is  gonna be fine.”

“I know.”

Rhodey was quiet for a bit, then said quietly, “You’re going to be fine, too.” Tony didn’t say anything to that, just tightened his grip around Rhodey and stood there, face buried in Rhodey’s shoulder.

~*~*~

Bucky made his way – painfully, but he’d felt worse – down to the workshop. The music was loud, the windows blacked out, which usually meant no one could get in, and Steve wouldn’t bother going down to drag Tony out for at least three days.

Bucky didn’t feel like waiting that long, however.

Besides, Natasha had said with obvious frustration that Tony had hardly come out from the workshop, or paid attention whenever any of them went down there to talk to him, during the three days Bucky’d been held up in medical with Steve for company. Rhodey had apparently managed the longest, a good five hours, and then left without talking to the rest of them. Tony’d had his three days so far as Bucky was concerned.

“JARVIS,” he said. He wasn’t too sure what he’d ask, or how he’d convince the AI to let him come in, but before he could think of something, the door opened anyway.

“I believe it would be in Sir’s best interests to talk to you,” was all JARVIS said in explanation.

Bucky’s shoulders relaxed – he hadn’t realized they’d tensed – and he smiled faintly. “Thanks.”

He stepped into the workshop, stopping to take it in like always. It was huge, and full of so much color. The bright, sharp colors of the holograms, the slick color on the cars, and of course the bright light glowing from the center of Tony’s chest.

Bucky looked at Tony, with his grease-stained face, strained expression, and uneasy eyes.

“When I was with HYDRA,” he started to say, walking into the room. He looked away – couldn’t look at anyone when he did talk about what he remembered – and trailed his fingers over one of the desks as he passed it. “When I was… the Asset, I…” He paused and swallowed heavily.

“I never told them when the world suddenly was made of colors.” He stopped, straightening the blanket on the back of the couch.

“It took me a while to remember. When they first appeared. Some fancy party decades ago, a former senator….”

Tony didn’t say anything, just was staring when Bucky chanced a glance at him.

“Every time I woke up, there were colors. After a while I didn’t remember it wasn’t normal, and it wasn’t like HYDRA was looking for any signs that… that I had a Soulmate out there. Just once though… I remember that just once I woke up and they were flickerin’.”

“Studies say that the colors flicker when a Soulmate is dying.”

Bucky hummed.

“What do the studies say colors do when a Soulmate’s being frozen by HYDRA?”

“Nothing,” Tony said slowly. “That’s probably a very precise situation.”

“Yeah,” Bucky agreed, nodding. He looked up at Tony, finally. “So what did they do?”

“What?”

Bucky smiled slightly, even as nerves bubbled in his chest. “I told you – it took me a while to remember. But I do. See, the fancy party was mostly adults, but there was this one kid there… and it was just a brief moment, but our eyes met before his mom called him away. No way I’d be able to forget those eyes, even if it’s been decades.”

The silence stretched. Bucky’s heart was racing, painful in his chest, and Tony wasn’t saying anything, just staring at him. Bucky… he knew he wasn’t wrong, but maybe Tony didn’t want….

“They faded,” Tony said, a little hoarse. “Almost… almost like they were going to disappear, but they were still there. Just… faded. Muted. Jarvis – uh, our butler, not… anyway, Jarvis told me not to tell anyone. About the colors, or them fading. I only told one other person, and he’s dead. And Rhodey. But that was just the other day…”

Bucky eased forward. “I was afraid to tell Steve I was seeing colors, when he brought me back, cause I hadn’t remembered yet and… who else could it have been but someone in HYDRA?”

Tony grimaced. “No, you just got me.”

“Yeah.” Bucky raised a brow, coming to a stop right across the desk from Tony. “I got you. Tony Stark. Iron Man.”

“Buck-“

“You gonna freak out if I come over there and kiss you?”

For a moment, he thought Tony would, but then a stubborn look went over his face, like Bucky had been daring him or something, and he walked around the desk, grabbed the front of Bucky’s shirt, and pulled him down for a searing, long kiss.

Bucky grinned when they separated, resting his forehead against Tony’s.

“Hey, Soulmate,” he whispered.

Tony’s breath washed over his lips, shaky, but he whispered back, “Hi, Soulmate.”

“Sorry I didn’t say anything sooner,” Bucky said, the words so quiet, just between the two of them. “I didn’t – I don’t know. Was scared, I guess. That things would change.”

“Won’t they?”

Bucky hummed, looking into Tony’s eyes, such a beautiful brown with flecks of gold, so fucking warm. They’d warmed Bucky up from the inside out from the first moment he’d seen them, seen the color. Even if he hadn’t understood at the time precisely what was happening.

“Might be more kissing,” he teased. “But other than that? We’ll still watch Star Trek together. Still listen to music. Might take you dancing,” he mused.

“Dancing, huh?” Tony tilted his head forward, kissing Bucky again, quick and light. “Sounds sappy.”

“Yeah, well. I want to be sappy with you. Missed out on a lot of time with you, gotta make up for it.”

Tony was quiet for a while, but his fingers were rubbing circles into Bucky’s sides, maybe unconsciously. Bucky took it for a good sign.

“I thought… after a while, I figured maybe I didn’t deserve whatever Soulmate I had out there. And that I’d never find them, anyway. I didn’t know it was you. I don’t even remember that party much anymore.” Tony paused, licked his lips. “But I was falling for you anyway the past several weeks.”

“Good. I’d have fallen for you even if you didn’t give me color.”

“Sap,” Tony stated. “I think I love you.”

Grinning, Bucky said, “I think I love you, too.”


End file.
